We all have those people in our lives that it seems like the sun never shines their way.  They either choose to look at the negative or let it hold them down.  Sometimes we support these people and try to encourage them to see the sun and other times we may choose to let them go.  I think the ones we let go or should let go are the ones that continue to push their misery on to us.  I know this is much easier said then done in some cases but when is enough enough?

As the drama continues, I am trying to avoid it, duck it, dodge it and get the hell out of its way.  However it seems like each week it just continues, the pot is stirred just a bit more.  I mean really, you can only beat a dead horse for so long.  So when things get to this point what do you do?  That really is the question because I have no freaking clue.  I don’t know what to do.  The sun is currently shining on my life in ways that make my heart smile but there seems to loom this one lonely cloud.  This one cloud that keeps threatening my sunshine.  I guess I could remove it, the metaphorical cloud, but by what means.  Emails straight to trash.  That seems to be the only real option I currently see.  And while this little cloud continues to annoy me and tries to interrupt my beautiful day, I can say that is only a minor annoyance.

I will continue to go about my day and welcome the warmth the sun brings.  With this I have found new respect for some and lost it for others.

Let the sunshine, it’s so much nicer that way 🙂

Today M and I took our very first engagement present and put it to good use, we opened a joint checking account.  Granted for now this will be used to help pay for our wedding expenses but it is a start.  We had many discussions regarding the fate of our individual accounts once we were married.  Originally M wanted to have his, mine and our accounts.  I was not really in favor of this option seeing as it hadn’t worked well for me the first time.

Over the weekend M decided to break out the Quicken and start adding all my financials in.  After several failed attempts to find my bank, logging into my account and trying again, he finally managed.  I would like to think that over the past few months he has realized that I am pretty financially responsible and this lead to his decision to have one joint account once we get married but I am pretty sure he actually realized what a pain it would be to have to keep up with 3 + bank accounts 🙂  In any case, I feel that if you are going to choose to spend the rest of your life with someone you should share.  Share it all including money.  Plus I think this shows commitment and trust to your partner.  I realize this could come back to bite me in the ass but love is trust and respect.  Both of which I have for M and apparently he has for me 🙂

M and I are both pretty slack with the mail which means we only check it once a week or days we know there should be a movie from Netflix.  I reminded M the other day that said movie should be in the mail.  Well you can only guess my surprise to walk in and find a multitude of cards lined up on the counter.  My first words to M were “I get to open cards!” to which he replied that his name was on them too.  Anyway the soon to be relatives across the pond are in full on excitement mode and flooded our house with various Happy Engagement cards.

I found this to be very touching.  I managed to meet everyone in M’s family, on both sides, during our trip to London last fall.  It is nice to see their excitement for us in card form inscribed with congratulatory wishes.  All of which are currently displayed on the counter.

As the excitement of becoming engaged has come and gone the reality of marriage is starting to set in.  The process of choosing a location, gathering a guest list, looking at invitations, and browsing dress sites has begun.  All of which are fun yet daunting tasks.

M and I have chosen to forgo a traditional bridal party as we feel those who can and do come will in essence be our “bridal” party.  Having done so, it feels harder to ask friends to help with various wedding related tasks.  This is where family comes in.  M’s parents have been “thrilled to bits” since the night we called them.  My parents are a bit of a different story.  Obviously there has been some tension in the family for several months.  However I feel I have been making a pretty conscious effort to keep everyone included.  With this said I feel I have been met with little to nothing in return.  A congrats the night we called, nothing from the email of the ring and today barely a word of wedding talk.

About a week or so ago my mom asked if they could come down to see my ring.  I hesitantly agreed only to hear from my dad the day before saying they wouldn’t be down.  I was fine with this until my mom once again suggested M and I come and spend Easter weekend with them.  Thankfully Julio is back on his antibiotics and a weekend trip was out.  I said they were welcome to come here.  She said that was fine and we’d meet for lunch.  Not much can be said for lunch as there was a brief glance at the ring, followed by “that’s nice” and that pretty much ended any other talk.  Disappointed, yes.  Shocked, no.   As I fight back the tears of disappointment I can’t decide if I’m more upset over what didn’t happen or the fact that it bothered me.

At least the excitement from M’s family makes me smile.

As my birthday quickly approached, I wondered what exactly the day would have in store.  I told M that a nice dinner would be fine, no gift necessary.  Years of birthday disappoints, break-ups, etc had left me a “Birthday Scrooge”, as a friend would say.  It’s hard to be disappointed with a nice romantic dinner out.

I finally decided on a nice Italian restaurant with outdoor seating and M made the reservation for Sunday night.  We both decided to take Monday, my actual birthday off.  As Sunday rolled around so did the clouds.  Over the weekend I received  a few birthday cards containing monetary gifts.  With money in hand I decided I needed a new dress for the occasion.  Well as luck would have it, there was not a cute dress to be found.  A last ditch trip to Target ended the dress hunt without a dress but with new shoes.  Oh well 🙂

When we got home we realized there would be no outdoor dining as the clouds were looking quite ominous.  We dressed, complete with new shoes and headed to dinner.  While at dinner M told me he had a “silly” gift for me to open that night.  I didn’t think much of this as I figured he had found some sort of Auburn memorabilia at a local sports store.  After dinner we decided to head to The Cheesecake Factory for dessert.  As we were waiting for a drink and cheesecake, I told M that friend of ours had asked me if I thought he would propose.  I told her that if he did, he would give me a ring pop first.  I explained this was a running joke with M and I.  He just chuckled and asked if they still made those.  With cheesecake in hand we headed back to the house.  Once we were changed and back downstairs M asked if I was ready for my gift.  I said sure.  I grabbed the box from the coffee table and began to unwrap it.  Having no idea what the box might contain, I was quite shocked to see a ring pop right there in front of my eyes.  I looked at M and as I turned he pulled a ring out of his pocket.  He told me that he wanted me to be his wife and “will you marry me?”  I immediately began to cry just looking at him.  I finally managed to say “I think I’m supposed to say Maaaaybee.”  “HAHA yes!!!”  And kissed him.  He put the ring on my finger and I noticed he was shaking.  Awww how sweet considering he had known my answer for months.

Now a few days have passed and the weight of the ring has become a familiar feeling.  With that feeling comes the knowledge that soon enough I will be M’s wife.

~ and just as a side note M did get me an actual gift for my birthday, a cute pink Ipod shuffle 🙂

As you all know Valentine’s day was this weekend. And since it fell on a Sunday, M and I decided to celebrate a day early. M had to work on Saturday morning so he ran to the market picked up some delicious steaks, potatoes and beans. He also managed a dozen red roses.

The plan was to cook dinner and open a nice bottle of wine we’d bought in Sonoma last year for my birthday. M decided he would pan sear the steaks and then cook them in the oven. We have done this a few times before with great success. This time was just a tad different. While M was pan searing the steaks in the kitchen, I was sitting on the couch with Julio watching TV. Then it hit….the LOUD blaring fire alarm. Julio is up and out in 2 seconds flat. Seeing as he is a little guy he hasn’t experienced the fire alarm yet. I look up to see the kitchen is full of smoke. M immediately runs over and starts trying to fan the fire alarm. I grab a pillow climb the stairs and take over and finally the alarm stops. However the house is now full of smoke. Why not turn on the exhaust fan? Good question but apparently M has been without a working microwave/exhaust fan for nearly 4, yes 4, years. He opens the windows, opens the back door all the while I am still fanning the fire alarm. Finally we remember there is a fan upstairs. M grabs the fan and puts it on the counter. I suggest turning on the living room fan and changing the direction which finally puts enough air around the alarm to keep it quiet.

After a few more minutes the smoke finally clears from the house and everything returns to normal. Well except Julio, who was was a little spooked for a while. Once the kitchen was clear of smoke I went to the kitchen and began work on the green beans. Once everything was cooked we sat down for a nice semi-romantic dinner. The steaks were delicious and only mildly charred. The wine was excellent.

After dinner we watched a movie, the Olympics and went to bed.  Quiet evening at home which is just the way I like it. The next morning we got up and made our Valentine’s day breakfast consisting of pancakes and bacon. And one special heart shaped pancake. 🙂

I knew when I packed my bags and headed East to NC that there would be snow.  How much snow, I didn’t really care as long as there was SNOW!!!!!  Well for the 3rd, yes 3rd weekend in a row they are predicting snow.  And by predicting I mean we will actually see snow.

Two weeks ago we got about 5 inches of the glorious white stuff I have longed for all my life.   This also started the blizzard of 2010 that began for much of the Northeast (Raleigh excluded).   I must say I was uber excited about snow, the first time.   Now for the 3rd weekend in a row they are predicting 2-5 inches.  Here is the problem with this prediction, 2-5 inches is just enough to make the roads an icy mess, clear the grocery store shelves and well cause shear panic.   2-5 inches is just enough to make driving downtown to my new hair stylist a little hairy (hehe) and possibly enough to cancel the appt.  Now if we were to get the “light” dusting that had been predicted earlier in the day my life/weekend would go on as normal.  But now, knowing weatherman have NO clue, I am pretty sure this 2-5 inches will turn into a foot or more.

Okay well I doubt that will really happen but a girl can dream 🙂

Our new kitten. He is such a little cuddle butt. Don’t get me wrong he is quite mischievous but overall he is a sweet little guy. 🙂

Yes I know it has been a while. A loooong while and during this time quite a bit has happened. First and foremost I am now officially residing with M. I still have my townhouse but his house is officially now “our” house. Along with the big move, M finally let me get a kitten. Julio is a wonderful addition to our “half family”, I’ll explain that one later ;). He torments his sister like any little brother should. And while Halle has been a bit grumpier the past few weeks the transition has been pretty smooth.

With all of that said, there are a few bigger, more pressing issues that have plagued my brain the past few weeks. Mostly having to do with words.

A couple of weeks ago I made a joke to my mom that ultimately hurt her feelings. And while I know she has a lot going on right now (daddy lost his job at the end of the year) I felt the comment was playful enough to move on. In true mom fashion this has turned into weeks of harsh words and not speaking. I did apologize for the joke only to be hit with an IM one night that said “I hate you.” I was in the middle of cooking M dinner so I didn’t immediately see the IM. Not that I would have responded anyway (I knew she was looking for a fight). Anyway after several “apologizes” I still don’t feel like I am ready to forget what she said.

I must say I am pretty much at a loss right now. I mean I know how my mom is and how she gets but for her to actually use those words has really thrown me for a loop. The only thing I can think of when I think about what she said is my former mil. I remember sitting in her kitchen one night listening to her berate my ex. I don’t know if it was the words she said so much as the hatred in her eyes. That night really showed me the mean and hateful person she is. Now not that I want to compare my mom to a person like that, that is the only thing I can think of. The hatred. And yes I don’t think my mom actually meant the words she said – I feel they were used to piss me off and start a fight – it still lingers in my head that she did say them. Once a person says something like that how do you go back to that place you started at? Can you ever go back? I don’t know. I really have no idea what the future holds. I know that for now I will distance myself. If she is willing to say it once, she can/will say it again. Do I really want to be or put myself into a relationship that I feel is not healthy, even if it is a parent?

I am hoping that if I can get some of this off my chest it will help me find some peace with this situation.

So M and I went to the Fair last night and I survived.  It was everything I imagined, which means not a whole lot.  It was less crowded then I expected it to be.  The carnies were quite normal looking as was most of the crowd.  The original plan had been to meet up with friends but they were unable to make it.  Oh well M and I had a good time anyway.  Mostly I guess the fair is about food when you get to be our age.  First we stopped at Al’s for some good ol’ fashioned french fries.  Not that impressed.  Next we hit the local church stand to grab a ham biscuit.  Good.  Next it was on to something fried and I had my mind set on Oreos.  I mean they have to be good right.  RIGHT!  They were everything I expected and more.  Hot, sweet batter on the outside.  Warm and gooey on the inside.  It was delicious.  My mouth is currently watering thinking about the savory little morsels.  As we headed out, because we are old, I managed to get a carmel apple, also very tasty and some cotton candy.

M’s theory on rides, is anything that can be put up in a day cannot be safe.  And well I have to say I agree.  I did also manage to get a few good pics from the fair.  I did not however get a prize.  Seems M isn’t the game playin’ prize winner 🙁  Oh well.  It would be one more thing I don’t need and ultimately have no use for.